TV Scheduling

The thing about TV scheduling is that people like me are a bit embarrassed about complaining about it. It implies that I spend all my time watching television.

Not so. Although I am self employed and I work from my functional (and not lavish) home office, I spend a lot of time visiting clients and media outlets, and I do have outside interests. However, when I do find the time for some relaxation in front of the telly I like to see some variety and choice. I don't want to switch channels only to see slightly different variations of "sell junk in the attic at auction and we will record your responses and your partner's comments on your dietary excesses" (that covers about a dozen programmes).

But that's not the problem.

The problem is that they are all on at the same time.

It would be quite good if I could switch channels and see, for example (I know this is out of the question, but I'll try it anyway) Jacob Bronowski's Ascent of Man (I did say it was probably out of the question) instead of yet another anodyne putting together of an "ordinary couple" and an "expert" and seeing how much their rubbish would fetch at a junk market auction, and take 25 minutes of my life with it.

Comedy shows: good quality shows on at the same time on BBC1, BBC2 and other channels. The same is true of documentaries on the same subject (you can watch a drama-doc about Rome, Rome and Egypt-Rome: except you CAN'T, because they're on at the same time).

Similarly, if I like costume drama (not that I do, but the point is there to be made) a similar problem exists because the costume dramas are all on at the same time.

Documentaries about arial combat, the development of aeroplanes, great sea battles, interesting perspectives on naval engagements that could have changed history, political and military decisions which have shaped the lives of all of us - all of these are of interest to people who have the same interests, by definition. Except we only have one pair of eyes.

I'd like to see a programme where there are two teams, each of which consists of television schedulers. Live on air they are are presented with their P45s. Then we see how they behave. The team with the least dignified behaviour have to clean out their attics, sell the family heirlooms at a loss, move to a place in the sun, move to a place not in the sun, sell some more "antiques", swap houses at their peril, sell scrap rubbish and pretend to argue about it, go on a coach trip which they do not enjoy (neither do we) and abase themselves before elderly women in Monifieth.